Urges of Men and Women

Nothing can get more true than this,

I never have quite figured out why the se*ual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. And I never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. And I never yet have figured out how the se*ual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words “I do.”

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it. I just want you to hold me.” I said, “WHAT???”

So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dread. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. I’m thinking, “What was her first clue?” I finally realize that nothing was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.

The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on three different, very expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200.00 a pair to which I say OK. And then we go to the jewellery department where she gets a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you. She was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don’t think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK. She was almost se*ually excited from all of this, and you should have seen her face when she said, “I’m ready to go to the cash register.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No, honey, I don’t feel like buying all this stuff now.” You should have seen her face. It went completely blank. I then said, “Really, honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.”

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man.”

I figure that I won’t be having s*x again until some time after the Spring of 2008 but godammit it was worth it.

Borrowed from Antti Brax.